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It has recently dawned on me that we do not discuss the complex, wonderful displays of woman-on-woman platonic love in this world. We talk all day about romance, courtship, dating, marriage, and everything that implies a more sexual relationship, but are quick to gloss over everything that goes into a girl friendship. And yet, these rituals are some of the most fascinating on the planet. To an outsider — or even to a woman who has never experienced it herself — the Girl Pee is a strange thing, especially if considered as a display of affection. But the love felt during a Girl Pee is so strong as to be almost indescribable. Almost.

First, one must understand the circumstances of the Girl Pee. As we have generally not been blessed with a protruding organ for indiscriminate public urination, we must find our own accommodations when not provided with a safe…

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If you’re an Illinoisian or know anything about our state’s politics, you know that marriage equality will be soon up for a vote in our dear Corruption State, which may as well be Illinois’ official nickname. And it’s not just that marriage equality is becoming a more of a possibility with each passing day. It’s going to happen, or the opposition is going to have to pry that bill from Governor Pat Quinn’s cold dead hands. The man may just dress up as every single member of our House of Representatives and pass it himself, which is fine, because I always thought Pat Quinn would look fetching in heels. He’s got the legs for it.

With the possibility of being legally chained to another person on the horizon, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about this whole matrimony thing and whether or not it’s for me. Do I really

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1. Make a playlist of all your favorite songs, old ones you may have totally forgotten about from middle school or ones that bring back good memories.

2. Take a walk outside. I find I only start to feel worse and wallow if I let myself melt into my bed and engage in the bad feelings.

3. Organize your drawers or closet. It feels good to be productive when you feel like a worthless idiot on the inside. You can look at your clean clothes and feel like a human again.

4. Eat something decadent. Make an ice cream sundae or smores. They’re not just for camping!

5. Go through your phone and delete anyone you no longer talk to or anyone who sucks and makes your life worse.

6. Draw. I have a stack of paper and some colored pencils for just such an occasion. It’s relaxing and fun…

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1. Try to have conversations with people you casually meet in everyday life. Find out the name of the woman you see all the time at the grocery store and engage her. You can have small talk or unexpectedly talk about the big things. I once ended up having a three-hour conversation with the girl who worked the cashier at the thrift store I went to all the time. Not only did I fill my afternoon in an unexpected way, but I also made a friend out of it.

2. Remind people in your life how much they love you and mean to you. You don’t have to get super gushy all the time or reenact a James L. Brooks screenplay. Just give back to the people who give to you.

CLICK TO THE NEXT PAGE…

3. Text people back right away. I know we all like to pretend we’re…

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They just don’t make TV the way they used to, right guys? Or maybe I’m just feeling nostalgic for a time when young women had so many amazing role models on TV. I started out trying to name 10 shows from the 90s with awesome female protagonists and ended up with 13. I could have kept the list going, probably infinitely. Why were there so many good shows about smart, strong girls back then? What are we doing now? Ugh. Let’s take a look back. Here’s the evidence that it can be done successfully. IT CAN BE DONE.

1. “Clarissa Explains It All”

Beginning in 1991, Clarissa Darling debunked the myth that boys wouldn’t watch a TV show starring a girl. Everyone loved “Clarissa Explains It All.” She was a relatable teen and she dealt with the problems we dealt with — dating, pimples, annoying little siblings, parents. She made…

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1. Someone not loving you back in the way you love them, even if you’ve done everything the “right” way and been the person you thought they wanted to be with.

2. You not loving someone back, even if they have been perfectly kind and giving to you, or feel that they are in some way entitled to your love and affection.

3. Having problems with mental illness that prevent you from living life in what everyone perceives as a “normal” or “positive” way. If someone attempts to shame you for having depression, or anxiety, or any other illness that it out of your control, remember that it is as ridiculous as shaming someone for having the flu.

4. Someone else, someone you love, having a problem with addiction. You can help them find someone to talk to or a group for support — and even go with them —…

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1. Check your phone to see if it’s magically dialing the person you’re currently shit-talking. Why do we do this? Your phone is on the table in front of you. Do you think it’s just going to get taken over by a ghost and start dialing your frenemy so they can hear all the horrible things you’re saying about them? We all apparently suffer from some severe form of PTSD after experiencing butt dials that have gone terribly awry. Butt-dialing is a serious epidemic and it will RUIN YOUR LIFE. IT WILL CALL THE ONE PERSON IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO CALL. I guess I understand why we’re all paranoid then. Your phone is a little asshole that’s out to destroy your friendships! Don’t trust that bitch.

2. Text phantom people when you’re alone and anxious in a public setting. Technology has turned us into such freaks, I swear. The fact…

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